EPISODE 069 | APPLE PODCASTS | SPOTIFY
Have you ever opened your inbox to find a message from a client that made your heart sink a little? Perhaps it wasn’t particularly harsh – maybe just a question about missing information or a comment that hit differently than intended. That moment of receiving unexpected criticism or questioning, especially in our own business, can feel particularly challenging.
I had one of these moments recently – an email that caught me off guard with its tone. Despite years of experience in handling various communications, I still felt that initial sting. This experience highlighted something we don’t often discuss: even when working with wonderful clients and maintaining clear communication practices, moments of misunderstanding inevitably arise.
“What’s particularly important to understand about written messages is that they often say more about the sender’s situation than their actual feelings about us or our work.”
The Digital Difference
There’s something unique about how we communicate through screens instead of face-to-face. Written messages, whether emails or comments, can land very differently than spoken words. Without the natural cues of human interaction – tone of voice, facial expressions, body language – we’re often left filling in the gaps ourselves. A simple “Could you clarify this?” might be read as “Why wasn’t this clear in the first place?”
What makes this especially complex is how personally we tend to take these messages when it’s our own business. When we’ve built something from scratch, when we’ve poured our expertise into every detail, every piece of criticism can feel like it’s aimed not just at our work, but at us personally.
“The timing of messages can completely change their impact. A challenging email that arrives first thing Monday morning hits differently than the same message received mid-afternoon on a Wednesday.”
Creating Space for Grace
What I’ve found particularly helpful is having a gentle framework for handling these moments. Instead of immediately responding when a message catches us off guard, taking even a short pause can completely change how we handle the situation. This isn’t about developing a thick skin or becoming immune to feedback – it’s about learning to navigate it in a way that feels authentic and sustainable.
Sometimes, those challenging messages – the ones that initially made our hearts sink – end up showing us something valuable about our businesses. Not in a “everything happens for a reason” way, but in highlighting small adjustments that could make things clearer or easier, both for ourselves and our customers.
“Every time you handle a challenging message thoughtfully, every time you take that pause before responding, every small adjustment you make to your processes – you’re not just solving a single issue, you’re building a stronger, clearer way of working.”
Moving Forward with Understanding
The aim isn’t to become impervious to feedback – it’s to develop ways to maintain our care and commitment while protecting our wellbeing. Because ultimately, our sensitivity to feedback often stems from how deeply we care about our work and the people we serve.
Remember that those messages that catch us off guard are just moments. Important moments we can learn from, yes, but they don’t define our businesses or the value we create every day. The very fact that these messages affect us shows just how much we care about what we do. That’s not a weakness to overcome – it’s a strength to work with.
PRACTICAL STEPS FOR HANDLING CHALLENGING MESSAGES
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Give yourself permission to pause before responding
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Read the message again, focusing on the actual request or concern
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Separate the tone from the content
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Draft your response focusing on solutions rather than being defensive
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Take another short break before sending
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Use the experience to identify any helpful adjustments to your processes
You know, as I finish writing this, I’m thinking back to that email I mentioned at the start – the one that inspired this whole conversation. What strikes me now is how differently I feel about it. Not because the initial feeling wasn’t real or valid, but because taking that pause, that step back, helped me see it as just one small moment in a much bigger picture.
I’ve noticed that some of my most meaningful client relationships started with moments of misunderstanding that we worked through together. Those instances where we took the time to communicate clearly and thoughtfully often led to deeper understanding and trust. It’s rather lovely how sometimes the very messages that initially make us pause can end up strengthening our connections when handled with care.
If you’re dealing with a challenging message right now, I hope this gives you both practical steps and gentle reassurance. Remember, you’re not alone in feeling this way – we all have these moments. What matters is how we choose to work through them, always keeping sight of the value we create and the care we bring to our work.
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